I feel like my insides are erupting in anger, devastation, hurt, sadness. I feel like I could scrape all the skin off my body and that would somehow be less painful than the burning in my heart.
I want to call him. I want to call him. I itch to pick up the receiver and hear his voice and know that this was all a terrible, terrible dream.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry... I know I called too many times, I should have left him alone more, I should have done a lot. Instead I pushed and pushed and pushed until I pushed him over the edge, until he was willing to hurt me.
I can't call. I want to call. But I can't call. I can't. I look at my phone and I want nothing more in this world than to hear his voice, the voice of the person I thought I knew, I want to believe for a second that everything will be fine.
But I tried that last night and instead I got the opposite. So I sit on my hands
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